Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
