I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
