did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
