It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
