i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
