On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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