I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
