Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
