he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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