Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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