He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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