So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Someone shit on the floor
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
