so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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