I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
