its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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