Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
