So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
