Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
