Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
