I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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