then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
