That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
