I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
