I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Even my vagina gasped.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
