Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
