I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
