Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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