Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
