Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
