My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
