I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
