So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
