Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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