Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
