She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
