Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be still, my beating vagina.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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