Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
