I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
