Cold hands, warm shart.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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