I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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