I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
