Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
