YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
