update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
