Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
