Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
