How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
