I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
