he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
