just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
