Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
