Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
