dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
