Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
