Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
