ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
