I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
