I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
