I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
