is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
